Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
