She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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