Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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