Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
