Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
