The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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