how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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