we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
