my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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