listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
