I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize