just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
