you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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