So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
