i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
