i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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