last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
