people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
