you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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