Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
