i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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