You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
