The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
