i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
