she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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