if i can run in heels then i can drive
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize