I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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