so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
