she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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