All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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