I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
