filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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