I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
a search helicopter?!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
