So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
