she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she told me i tasted like america
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
