i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
