when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
