Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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