i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
