I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
