Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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