I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
