He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
