I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Dignity is for republicans.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
