I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
