Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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