you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
So. Much. Porn.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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