Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
