So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
