Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
