the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Who died my cat blue again?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
