my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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