sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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