I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
