I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
