:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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