i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
