All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
