Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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