True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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