so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
