Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
