He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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