Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
