3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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