just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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