i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
