Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
