his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
